Thoughts on…trusting your gut (and chance)

Lately — with the whole massive global pandemic going on and everything — I’ve been thinking a lot about my career and how much it’s keeping me sane and bringing me joy. I almost chose a very different one, and being where I am and seeing how the world is has made me so grateful that I eventually followed my gut.

When I first started looking at colleges, I wanted to be an elementary school teacher.

I don’t know what it was about the job, really. I hadn’t worked with children much, but I loved school and I liked the idea of teaching. It felt like a revelation and t seemed like a solid job and a familiar one.

But then I realized I don’t like working with kids very much or being responsible for so many of them. My friends and family members later told me they didn’t know what I was thinking, either.

Then I decided perhaps advertising or marketing would be a good, safe choice. As much as I’d always dreamt of it just a little bit, journalism seemed so risky. It was dream stuff that I kept tucked in the back of my mind beneath visions of Jenna killing it at her editorial job in “13 Going on 30” and my cut-out pages of Seventeen magazine for quite some time.

Making it in the editorial industry seemed so appealing but so impossible and I was so scared of not having job security (is there any security in any creative field!?). I guess I was scared of failing, too, so I kept pushing back what I really wanted to do.

I went into college as an advertising major and less than a month in, I changed it to journalism. Before I did it, I still remember my mom telling me some version of, “You only have one life. Why wouldn’t you want to spend it doing what you love?”

Sure, it’s kind of a more elaborate, eloquent version of the popular 2010s phrase “YOLO” that Zac Efron has tattooed on his body…but it’s true. She’s right.

And what I loved at the time and sometimes still enjoy was writing. I had glorious dreams of being a beauty reporter or lifestyle reporter of sorts. But when I actually started doing reporting and writing what others assigned to me…I kind of hated it.

It turns out I don’t like being told what to write. That’s why I started my blog, in part. I wanted to write with my style and voice and write whatever I felt inspired to share whenever I was in the mood. I wanted to be helpful and real.

When I started applying to jobs that senior year of college and doing edit tests for writing and reporting my heart just wasn’t in it. I didn’t want to interview people and cover breaking news or write about products I thought were kind of dumb or shows I never heard of. I didn’t want to change my writing style to fit the editorial standards of other places.

I didn’t want to write stories on the same beat day after day and scramble for ideas. I wanted to direct and oversee and create in other ways, but I didn’t know how.

As college came to a close, I applied to a fellowship that was focused on “building stories” AKA choosing photos, headlines, captions, and the works. A little bit of editing would also be involved.

I applied because the company seemed cool. I liked to read their website and I knew I had the right experience — it involved managing freelance writers (I’d done it before at my previous internship) and editing (I worked on campus as a writing tutor, which was really just a glorified editor). It also covered a little bit of everything, from health to celebrities to relationships to beauty — and I loved that. I’d never been able to process the idea of doing the same thing every day for the same few topics. My dream of being a beauty reporter fizzled real fast when, even as just a consumer, I got bored with the same old trends and stale product launches.

As I’ve mentioned a few times on this blog, the internship had ups and downs but it helped me realize a dream job I never knew I had — editor.

I love coming up with ideas and framings and headlines and assigning them out and working with writers to make stories perfect. I love looking into the little details and figuring out what works and what doesn’t. I love keeping a close eye on the news to see which stories my team should work on or update. I love fixing. I love managing. I love getting to work with so many beats and verticals and not being limited to just one. And I’m good at it.

Sometimes I wonder how life would be different if I’d accepted the full-time job offer to be an associate editor at a medical/preparing-for-death website instead of the minimum-wage internship (yes, that was the other job I was considering…I just checked and the website shut down a few months later). I wonder where I’d be if I stuck out the path to becoming a teacher and ignored my inner red flags and warning signs. I wonder if I would’ve liked advertising and marketing.

But I think about my gut instincts a lot. And I think about chance, too.

If the internship I had before my last one hadn’t collapsed midway through and most of the company didn’t quit or get fired, I never would’ve managed freelancers and had the valuable experience that helped me land the dreamy fellowship. If I’d applied a week or two later, maybe managers would’ve filled the position.

My career path thus far has made me grateful that I’ve trusted my gut. Things that were once scary — bosses quitting, internships unraveling, dream jobs starting to look like nightmares — have become things I look back on fondly.

I feel so lucky to have learned so much about myself from past internships and college courses. I’m glad I got the chance to be a teacher’s assistant in that once-a-week CCD class so I realized how much I don’t want to be responsible for a group of young kids (they’re terrifying and teachers have the patience of saints that I don’t). I’m glad my family’s always supported my career dreams, even when they kept changing.

But I’m glad I’ve trusted my gut. And if you’re ever not sure what your gut is trying to tell you, follow that age-old advice of flipping a coin to make a decision.

When it’s in the air, you’ll realize which result you’re hoping for.

Are there any situations you can think of where you’re glad you trusted your gut?