The 4 lists everyone should make

It’s been a hot minute! I had a half-written post but I spent three days opening and closing it so, uh, I’m putting that aside for now. February was a pretty garbage month. I spent most of it being extremely stressed, sort of lost, and just generally UGH. By the time the last week of the month hit, my friend and I had a daily countdown until the shortest, worst month of the year was over.

For such a short month, it was largely crappy. A lot of things were thrown my way. At one point I even cried in Union SquParkpark (and saw a rat but was too busy crying to care, and the rat was actually cute? But maybe it’s because I was crying). I sent CAPS LOCK TEXT MESSAGES to a bunch of friends. I didn’t do a lot of things I’d planned to do. I have about 4 unfinished to-do lists shoved in my room somewhere right now.

But, you know, it’s March now.  And last month made me sort of think about what things can help me get out of a bad mood. And about the things put me in a bad mood and why they’re able to do that. I thought about what can I actually control and why exactly I spend a lot of time stressing about that I can’t do anything about…

So I made four lists on a whim and they made me feel better. And they were surprisingly easy to make Here some lists to make (and the ones I made) and why they might just help you feel a bit better and a bit more sane.

The four lists: things that bring me joy, things that stress me out, things I can control, and things I can’t control.

I know the whole “self-care!! gratitude lists!!” thing is popular but those have never worked for me. But I’ve kind of found that making these lists boosted my mood and actually sort of helped me try to talk myself out of worrying so much. I feel like it could work for just about anyone at least in some sort of way.

Things that bring me joy:

– Waking up with to one of my kittens purring in my face.

– Wearing polka dots (especially if they’re black and white).

– Wearing dainty, sparkly, silver necklaces and rings.

– Finding new TV shows that I can’t get enough of (You! Atypical! Russian Doll!)

– Reading my book in the morning and on the way home.

– Wearing fuzzy socks and warm hats with pom-poms.

– Having leftovers from dinner that I can bring for lunch the next day, especially if it’s meatloaf or chili.

– Chinese takeout on a Sunday night. Especially when it’s sesame chicken and I can eat the cold leftovers for lunch (or breakfast…) the next day.

– Going to a library I haven’t been to in a while; I love hunting down the new books.

– Watching crappy documentaries and reality TV shows with a buddy.

– Eating Cheerios out of the box.

Conclusion?: It wouldn’t be that difficult to add more of these things into my life!

What’s Next: Incorporate more of the things that bring you joy into your life in any way possible. Eat more foods you love. Wear more things that make you happy. Embrace the joy that the little things bring ya.

Things that stress me out:

– Thinking about the future, especially where I’ll be in a year.

– When my cats eat chocolate and other foods they shouldn’t be eating (they’re very sneaky).

– Spending a lot of money on Metrocards.

– Not having weekend plans.

– Having too many weekend plans.

– Blogging … or, uh, a lack thereof? Sometimes I feel like I just don’t have anything to say.

– Having a lot of messages/notifications to answer. Sometimes I just ignore them all because I get overwhelmed at the thought of answering them.

– The pile of clothes on my ottoman that is always there waiting to be hung up and put away. I know it’d take me two seconds to do it but I just never do until it builds to the point of true stress.

– When it’s really windy and cold outside and my jeans aren’t warm enough.

– Remembering to make and pack lunch for work. The options are limited! They’re never that delicious …but I hate spending money on lunch.

– When other people are (or seem to be) doing such amazing, wonderful things with their life like traveling around the world and living the dream…even though I know it’s probably not as glamorous as it seems. The power of social media!

– Posting on Instagram. My life is not aesthetically pleasing. All I have to share is a few photos from picturesque spots in Brooklyn that I found the other day, donuts I bought, and throwback photos from Denmark.

– All of the things I need to remember to do. I abuse the reminders app on my phone and sometimes it’s STILL NOT ENOUGH. I have 17 untouched reminders. I have too many things to remember and my memory is not the best!

Conclusion?: A lot of these things are things I can fix or control. Or things that are weighing me down that, uh, no one asked? I create obligations for myself that aren’t really there.

What’s Next: When you’re skimming your list, take note of the things that aren’t necessary. For example, I don’t need to post on Instagram! Who cares? I can buy warmer jeans! It’s OK if I forget to pack lunch, it’s not the end of the world to eat soup or buy a $10 lunch. When you’re stressing, try to bring down the stressor and turn it into something that feels small and conquerable, at least in some sort of way.

Things I can control:

– Which book I decide to read on public transit (98% of the time it’s a library book).

– How much sugar and cream I put in my morning cup of coffee.

– How I choose to spend my money on non-essential things.

– The people I choose to spend time with after work and on weekends.

– How I spend my time after work. I’ve noticed that I don’t mind just going home and doing nothing some days as long as I meet up with a friend at least twice a week.

– How hard I work. Even if everything is going south around me and even if I’m not having a good day, I can still work my ass off and do my best. Not every day is a 120% day, but I always work hard.

Conclusion?: I have more control over my time than I think.

What’s Next: Think about the things you control and how you can use them to bring you more joy! Think about this list when you feel like you’re powerless and like you have no sort of power in your own life. You always do, even if it’s in the little things.

Things I can’t control:

– Whether or not the bus, train, or ferry show up on time. They usually won’t but most of the time it’s not as big of a deal as I make it out to be.

– How much bus/train fare costs (and it keeps going up!) … but it could be worse.

– My kittens. They’re free spirits. They’re animals and I can only hide snacks and say “Hey! Don’t do that!” so many times.

– The weather! I need to stop worrying so much. All I can do is put an umbrella in my purse, bundle up, and hope for the best.

– How successful everyone around me is. It doesn’t impact me! It’s OK if other people are doing amazing things…that doesn’t take away from my own success! And I cannot control it.

– The happiness of others! It’s not my responsibility or my burden to make sure people around me are happy. Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t care or that I won’t try to make those around me’s life better…but I can’t control anyone’s happiness, I can barely keep track of my own.

Conclusion?: None of these things will majorly impact my life by my not being able to control them, does that make sense? I mean, even if I could make the train always show up on time and make the weather always sunny, it wouldn’t even change that much. It turns out the things that stress me out that I can’t control are…fine?

What’s Next:  Take a second to scan your list. Maybe you’ll realize that not being able to control these things isn’t always as big of a deal as it seems.

So those are some lists to make!

Of course, these lists are ever-changing (although some things will never change…polka dots are always my truest love). But I hope I make these more often because even if it’s temporary, it did spark joy and give me some sort of clarity.

What do your lists look like?