It’s typical for a girl to have all of your friends huddled around her as she reads out texts or Facebook messages from her latest boy crush. Every girl has her best Sherlock Holmes hat on and you’re all analyzing the crap out of a sequence of messages. As she sits in the circle telling her friends about what he was like when they hung out the ultimate goal is to figure out: “Does he like me!?”
Is he ignoring you or is he just busy? Does he like you and he’s just shy? Did he really not get my message or is he lying?! So many questions.
The constant, “Does he like me?” can get insane. While analyzing every detail of every conversation and interaction with a guy can give you some clues, here are seven signs he’s not interested, namely, seven signs he’s just not that into you. Keep in mind that these might not necessarily apply to each situation–every relationship and person is different.
1. You always make the plans.
While there are some guys who are generally more passive and you could be the “plan maker” of your group in general, if you are the only one ever making the plans it might be a bad sign. Think about it–if someone really wanted to see you, wouldn’t they make the effort to hang out with you?
Test it: Go a week without making plans. See if he texts you or tries to make a plan with you–if he does, it shows he wants to hang with you. If not, he might not be as into you as you think.
2. It takes him hours to text back.
Being busy is one thing–if he’s in class or at practice it makes sense. If this happens all of the time and you know he (like most millennials) is the type of person who has their phone glued to their hand, he might purposely not be answering you in a timely manner. He could just be a bad texter or he might just be trying to gradually give you the hint.
Test it: If his messages are incredibly brief and it takes hours to answer–it’s a bad sign. If his response took a while but his answers have substance and continue the conversation, he could just be a bad texter. Make plans to hang with him in person–if he follows through with the plans it could be a good sign.
3. He doesn’t give you his full attention.
If you’re hanging out and he keeps checking his phone or scanning the room for other people it’s a bad sign. First of all–that’s super shady. Is he hiding from someone? Is he looking for something more interesting? Hmm… If when you talk to him he doesn’t seem to be listening that’s also a negative.
Test it: Just simply observe his body language when you speak. Is he listening or does he seem to not be paying attention at all?
4. He doesn’t show that much interest in you.
When you tell a story, you’re not totally sure he’s listening. He talks a lot about himself, too. You’ve noticed he doesn’t ask you much about yourself and when he does he ends up circling the topic back to himself. True, he could be a bit of a narcissist, but it could also show a lack of interest.
Test it: Ask him a question or two. It can be “What’s your favorite color?” or “What’s your major?” or even “What are your biggest fears?” If he doesn’t reciprocate the majority of the questions, it could mean he’s not that interested in knowing more about you. Think about it–if you’re interested in someone, don’t you like to learn things about them?
5. He hasn’t introduced you to any of his friends.
Okay, I’m not saying you need to meet the parents, but if after a month you haven’t so much as been introduced to at least one of his friends it might be suspicious. It could just be a matter of it just hasn’t happened or it could be a sign that he’s not into you enough to get his friends involved.
Test it: Try to meet his friends. I’m not saying to pull the whiney–“Baaabe! Why haven’t you introduced me to any of your friends?” or to crash guy’s night, but try to bring it up casually. Mention how when he talks about his friends they sound so cool and you want to meet them to really put a face to the name. If he’s not too into the idea, he might not be that into you.
6. He doesn’t hang out with you in public.
There might be a reason he’s keeping this under-wraps…Of course, it could just be that most of your dates have been semi-private, but never being out with someone in public generally means secrecy is involved.
Test it: Go for a walk around campus and see how that goes. If he keeps his distance and keeps looking around to see who’s looking at you two, that’s a little suspicious. If you go to kiss him in public and he anxiously looks around to see who saw, that’s another red flag.
7. He’s still looking for someone else.
The fact that he was on Tinder 25 minutes ago is enough said. Tinder made it so you can check when your matches were last on–basically it’s THE way to make you paranoid. There are other ways to notice this, too.
Test it: DTR. Just be straight forward and ask to define the relationship. Wouldn’t you rather know the answer than be blissfully ignorant?
Of course, while these are likely signs he’s not interested, this is not some solid code and there will definitely be exceptions–follow your gut instincts. When in serious doubt, just freaking ask. Honesty is the best policy and it leads to a lot less worrying and assumptions.
