AKA a guide on how to avoid being that girl at the concert. You know, that girl—the one that everyone is whispering about and glaring at. It totally happens. There are just some things that don’t belong at a concert and bringing them will result in regret, the receiving of attitude and/or the losing or confiscation of said item.

OH! P.S. make sure if you’re going to a One Direction concert, do not bring your snark and blunt honesty (at least not in a loud voice). At a One Direction concert I might have jokingly mentioned that Harry’s hair looked greasy enough to cook french fries. I heard a lot of tweens whispering about how I was a terrible fan and I’m pretty sure I heard one girl tell her mother that I was satanic. Watch what you say at some concerts—you don’t want an angry mob after you.

1.Signs

Okay, we get it. You just HEART Harry. You need a giant banner to proclaim it to the world! Here’s the facts:

• Your sign is probably common sense. OBVIOUSLY you love the artist, you spent money to see them. Even if it’s funny, the chance of the artist seeing it is small and the chance of the artist acknowledging it is even smaller. (Exception: if it is your birthday, some artists might call attention if you’re close enough for them to read it)

• You’ll probably have to throw it out. At my first 1D concert, there was literally a rule that if your sign was bigger than your head (mine wasn’t, aha!),  it goes in the trash. The sign you spent hours on is garbage now.

• Everyone’s going to want to punch you. Seriously, you’re blocking the view of so many people who paid a lot of money to see the artist. Especially general admission—if you bring a sign of any sorts to a general admission show I can promise you that someone will destroy it (or push you). Concerts are ruthless—I might have angrily and passive aggressively told a row of ten year olds to put their signs down at a concert. Might have.

• You won’t want to carry it. You’ll be dancing and recording the concert with your phone. There’s probably no place for you to put your sign (except wedged between your legs or shoved under your seat) and you’re going to get tired of holding it up really quickly.

2. Expensive anything.

You don’t need your Ray-Bans for a concert. Wear a cheap pair that, if it breaks, you won’t be broken-hearted. Also try to avoid the designer bags. You’re probably either going to be putting your bag on the dirty, sticky floor or getting God-knows-what on it by carrying it with you. People spill things and everyone sweats…

3. Open drinks.

I know you don’t want to drop $7 on a bottle of water at the venue, but if you’re going to bring your own make sure it’s sealed or you’ll have to toss it in the trash. This is because they assume (rightfully so) that opened drinks contain alcohol.

4. A backpack.

At my last Ed Sheeran concert, this chick had a GIANT backpack. It was stuffed to the brim and it kept pushing into my friend who was stuck behind her. Everyone was so angry at this chick—the backpack takes up too much standing room and what could you possibly have in there? If you must bring a backpack, bring a tiny drawstring one that won’t be the size of a child. Better yet—bring a crossbody bag. All you really need is your ID, tickets, cash, cell phone and maybe sunglasses.

5. An obnoxious hairstyle or hat.

This one should be obvious, but there are going to be people behind you (unless you’re in the absolute last row of nosebleed seats—then feel free to have a freaking beehive hairdo if you wish). Would you want the person in front of you to have a fedora or a really high ponytail? Probably not. Hats are just totally unnecessary, but when it comes to hairstyle try to stick to wearing your hair down or in a low ponytail or braid. Also, if the person in front of you has a hat on or a really high top knot that’s hindering your view, don’t be afraid to politely ask them to take it down. They might not, but at least you can rightfully complain to your friends because you tried to do something about it.

6.Things to throw on stage.

First of all, you probably won’t be close enough to throw anything on stage. Second of all, the majority of things thrown on stage will either hit the performers (which can result in security trying to find you) or end up being swept up and thrown in the trash. Also, don’t throw your bra on stage. It’s such a waste of a bra. ALSO, at some venues security will go through your bag and potentially make you toss the items. At One Direction concerts especially they are very against you throwing stuff on stage.

7.Alcohol.

I’m not saying don’t drink at the concert but I am saying the safest (although more expensive) way to get your fill of alcohol is buying it at the venue. Most venues sell alcohol (and those that don’t are probably even more strict about alcohol) and yours will most likely get taken before you even get into the venue. Also, don’t get totally smashed. If you wanted to get drunk you should go to a bar, not an expensive concert. *Cough* Mid-twenties couples that were in front of me at Ed Sheeran’s MSG show and spent the whole time buying drinks and drunkenly yelling, I’m looking at you.

8. A DSLR Camera.

Okay, this one depends on the venue. Check the venue’s site or call the venue before you take my word on this but more than half of the concerts I’ve gone to have prohibited any professional recording devices. Most artists don’t want HQ recordings of their shows maybe because if they ever make a live concert movie these free online videos will take away from that. I don’t know, but don’t go toting your super expensive camera unless you see if you’re even allowed to take it out. Also, unless you have floor seats or plan on camping out to be close to the stage, you’re probably not going to get really amazing shots and you might be better off using your phone.

I can’t really think of anything else. Don’t bring weapons or fireworks, obviously, and be sure to check the venue’s website for any other specific guidelines! Some venues have weird no-no’s that you should look out for.

  OH, don’t forget to check out my related post on How To Survive A General Admission Concert!