I think most people hope to find lasting friendships in college and I’m really happy that I truly feel I have. But, with that being said, I’ve had dozens of friendships in college that more or less ended at graduation. Not in a bad way or in a particularly sad way…it’s just how life is sometimes. Some friendships last for a long time and others don’t.
But, even in college, there are some tell-tale signs a friendship has the potential to last a long time. There’s no magic formula for friendship. And, sometimes you’d be surprised at who you end up staying close with. But, here are some questions to ask yourself when trying to figure out if a friendship might last for a long time.
1. How do they like to spend their downtime? How do you spend yours?
If these match up, odds are definitely in your favor. If you prefer spending downtime watching YouTube and they prefer to spend theirs watching Hulu, that’s pretty comparable. It means hanging out is less likely to be exhausting over time if you both can relax to the same activities.
Or, if you both enjoy spending time with people even during your downtime, that’s a good sign. Even if both of you like to spend downtime alone, it’s a solid sign. It means they’ll understand you and what you need to unwind.
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2. How do your ideal Saturday nights compare?
Are you both content playing card games and drinking? Are you more of a bar hopper and they’re not down to get a fake ID? If these don’t match up, your friendship isn’t doomed but there may be some tough times or peer pressure-filled moments where one of you is trying to convince the other to change your mind.
Of course, you don’t want all of your friends to be like-minded. And, there’s nothing wrong with pulling each other out of your comfort zones. But, if your ideal Saturday conceptions differ a lot, it might be a difficult gap to bridge.
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3. When do you spend time together?
Do you solely get meals together? Do you only spend time together walking to and from the class you both have? If you guys only spend time doing one specific task together or attending one class together, are either of you willing to bridge the gap and make it a full-on friendship?
Everyone has a few classmate friends or club friends where you solely spend time with them in a set space. Sometimes these friendships can become more ‘full-time’ friendships, but it’s going to require effort. And if you don’t want to put in that effort, there’s nothing wrong with it. Unlike lasting friendships in college, some friendships are friendships of convenience…
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4. …Are they just a friend of convenience?
Are you holding onto the friendship just because they live right next door? Do you only spend time with them because they’re always available and easy to access? In cases like these, it can be hard to decide if a friendship is genuine or if it’s something you’re settling for out of convenience.
Again, nothing wrong with that. But, you can’t expect the friendship to last when it’s no longer convenient (ie: one of you moves) without putting in more effort to stay in touch and spend time together.
The best example I could think of is when I graduated high school. I realized a lot of friendships I’d had, though great, were primarily friendships of convenience. Once it was no longer convenient, I didn’t really stay in touch with a lot of people and the friendship fizzled. Nothing wrong with that, but friends of convenience will require more effort if the level of convenience changes.
5. Do you constantly feel “on” around them?
Everyone needs to have some people who they can just be themselves around. These are the kind of people who you can hang out with and just both be individually working on things without the pressure to make conversation. These are the people who you feel comfortable being in a crappy mood around without feeling the need to force yourself to seem A-okay.
Not every friend is like this, but if you feel like you don’t always have to be “on” about your friend, it’s certainly a good sign.
6. Do some of your core values match up?
Personally, some of my very best friends shared similar academic values. We all viewed our grades as incredibly important and we studied hard…but we also knew how to have fun and never went overboard in terms of studying. That balance of academics and fun was always important to me and it’s something that I’ve found in many of my closest friendships.
Think about what you value, whether it’s family, grades or even strong friendships. If you and your friend have some similar core values, it can be good for creating lasting friendships in college.
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What do you look for in a long-lasting friendship?
