How to be More Easygoing

One of the last things someone would call me is easygoing. Or quiet, it depends on who you ask. I’m not particularly difficult but I’m certainly not easygoing. If there’s a sudden plan thrown at me or things take a turn I didn’t prepare for, I’m usually visibly thrown. When I’m asked to do something that I don’t entirely want to do or had planned to do, I’ll definitely hesitate before saying, “Yes, I guess so.”

But, I’ve noticed I surround myself with easygoing people. The people closest to me have always responded to my plans and half-baked ideas with, “Okay, let’s do it!” They carry on with nothing less than enthusiasm and easygoingness. There’s this theory that we become a mix of the five people we’re closest to and, while I don’t entirely believe it, I have found that people I love the most have qualities I admire. I wish I was as positive and enthusiastic about spontaneous plans and things I’m unsure of. So, in typical fashion, I’m writing an advice sort of post that’s also directed toward myself. From what I’ve observed and researched, here’s how to be more easygoing or at least here’s how to start the journey towards becoming just that.

1. Be Open

You don’t need to be excited, you just need to be open. Having an open mind for new ideas and adventures will automatically add a layer of easygoingness to your personality. You’re not required to express excessive optimism or bubbling excitement. You just need an open mind and neutrality.

Example: Instead of “Um, whatever, I guess we can do that” try  “Okay, let’s give it a shot” or “Alright, I’m open to trying that.”

2. You Don’t Need to Have an Opinion on Everything

My boyfriend recently said this to me after I said I hated something that, deep down, I really didn’t have an opinion on. It really resonated with me. Why do I constantly feel the need to have an opinion? I always need to hate or love anything and everything, even if no one asked and even if I never thought about the thing before that moment. If something is happening and you’re neither hot nor cold about it, you don’t need to force yourself to be either. Go with it. Being neutral about something is a fairly easygoing mindset.

Example: Instead of “I hate that!” or “I love this!” try “I don’t really have an opinion on that yet but I’m open to forming one.”

3. Minimize the Emotional Impact of the Things You Can’t Control

When I have a big plan and I notice the weather says it’ll be thunderstorms, I start complaining a week in advance. Keep in mind, the forecast usually changes by then or it doesn’t, but still, I can’t control the weather. Oftentimes the elements that overwhelm my ability to be easygoing the most are the variable ones that I have no power over. They’re always the questions I can’t answer: Who will be there? What will the weather be? What if we’re late? What if we’re the only ones there? 

There are some things you just can’t control and to be more easygoing is acknowledging this and making the best of what you do know. How do you minimize this impact? Make backup plans. Schedule a rain date. Or, just bring your umbrella.

Example: Your friend invites you to a party but you don’t know who’s going so you’re stressed and annoyed. You can’t control who will show up at that party, but you know for sure your friend will be there and you can control whether or not you stay at the party. Focus on what you know and can control.

4. When Plans Are Thrown at You, Stay Calm

I hate last minute plans. I can be somewhat impulsive in small ways (like surprising my boyfriend with cookies or deciding to go to the gym) but I hate when other people are impulsive. Let me correct that — I always love impulsive, impromptu things during the thing and after the thing but when they’re thrown at me my stress and annoyance levels instantly rise. I feel like I need to adjust my mindset and mentally prepare to hang out with people or do certain things, so, generally when last minute plans are proposed I start thinking of all the things I need to do or how I need to alter my schedule to accommodate them instead of how great the plans could actually be. I do all of this even though I know I’m going to enjoy the plan.

Instead of automatically internalizing and worrying, try to verbalize any concerns. Ask about the things that are causing you stress: “Okay, so how are we getting there?” “When will we be back?” “Can I have 20 minutes to get ready?” If they can be answered, that’s great. If they can’t, either take the reigns to find (or make) a solution or learn to carry on without an answer.

Example: When you ask “But how are we getting there?” and no one has an answer, look it up yourself. Allow yourself to control an aspect while still being easygoing and sticking to the main plan.

5. Make the Most of Last Minute Changes

So the time was pushed back 15 minutes and you’re ready and waiting. It’s easy to get angry and annoyed and start the plan off on a sour note (Ahem, I would definitely do this!). It’s even easier to reframe the situation than to get annoyed about it. Now, you have 15 minutes to finish the new episode of OITNB or watch a few YouTube videos. Positive! It’s okay to be annoyed when people are late or don’t follow through, but don’t linger on it for long. Reframe! Easygoing means going with the flow. Adapt!

Example: You’re meeting a friend for brunch and she’s going to be half an hour late. You can either sulk in front of the restaurant OR walk around the block and check out the bookshop OR read a book. Things happen and her being late doesn’t ruin your entire brunch date, it simply pushes it back and gives you a chunk of time to do with as you wish.

6. Propose an Alternative

It’s not always possible to be more easygoing. Sometimes you just really can’t go with the flow. If you’re not willing to go with the flow, have an alternative option. Simply saying no without having another option isn’t being helpful or chill at all. That’s being honest, which is great, but it’s also not very helpful or easygoing. If you’re trying to figure out what to eat and someone proposes Chipotle after twenty minutes and you’re not interested, propose something else. Remember, being easygoing doesn’t mean agreeing to everything or never making your own suggestions.

Example: Instead of “Burger King? I’m not going there AGAIN.” try “Hmm, we just went to Burger King yesterday. Maybe we can try Wendy’s instead? They have great nuggets.”

Related: 12 Ways to Master Small Talk

7. Why Does it Bother You?

When something is sprung on you and you’re bothered or overwhelmed think about why you’re so bothered. Were you planning on sitting in your pajamas and heading to bed early but now there’s a plan? You’re still entitled to opt out of the plan and stay in your pajamas. But, you might not because of the massive case of FOMO you’ll be facing after. So now you sort of have to go because you might miss out. So now you’re annoyed. This string of thought happens to me often but, again, to be more easygoing is to reframe these. Instead of sitting in my pajamas like I can always do any day for the rest of my life, I’m going out to the diner with friends! Exciting! See the difference?

I always think of this lyric from that Eminem song “Stan” that goes: Stan, Why are you so mad? It’s helpful to think about when you’re lowkey fuming about something fairly minor. Why are you so mad? Don’t be like Stan (Really. Have you ever heard that song? Yikes.)

Example: You were hoping all of your friends would go to the new Mexican restaurant in town with you, but the majority voted for the French bistro instead. You’re annoyed and wanting to be grumpy at the bistro. Instead, reframe. The Mexican restaurant isn’t going anywhere and, who knows, the French place might be delicious. Plus, you’re with your friends! It’s all about the people you’re with. You’ll remember the memories made with friends more than you will the food on your plate.

8. Look at the Big Picture

Don’t get hung up on small, inconsequential details. I am generally a detail-oriented person and when it comes to making plans and social interactions, I am no different. How can I be more easygoing if I’m constantly stressing about the details for situations where the details do not need to be stressed about? For casual plans and impromptu situations, look at the big picture. In the long run, small details don’t matter all that much.

Example: You’re at the festival with your friends but it’s muddy and you have mud all over your favorite boots. You can either bitch about it and complain about wanting to go home or realize you can wash them off later and complaining won’t take the mud away so you might as well stay at the festival and push the mud to the back of your mind. Big picture: Fun festival. Little detail: The mud on your shoes. Which is more important to you?

9. Make Plans, but Don’t Set Them in Stone

Being more easygoing does not require you to never make plans ever again and simply drift with the wind. I don’t like overly easygoing people who never have any plan or idea for anything and for someone who’s fairly type A like myself, it’s not possible for me to be that way. I hate that quote about the best-laid plans often going awry, but it has some truth to it. Make plans and schedules but don’t set them in stone. Leave room for freedom and changes. Leave different options. Keep things open-ended. Allow yourself to go with the flow because you never know what you might find or want to spend more or less time doing.

Example: You’ve planned a day trip to New York City! Instead of having an itinerary that reads “10:00 brunch reservation, 10:35 Statue of Liberty, 12:15 Times Square, 3:00 Broadway show,” keep it open-ended. Keep the things you can’t change, like reservations or tickets, and leave the rest open. Perhaps something like this: “10:00 brunch reservation. 3:00 Broadway show. Maybe in between: Statue of Liberty or Times Square? Maybe Bryant Park.”

Overall, you can’t entirely shift your personality type overnight. A Type A person will not become Type B just by following tips. You can, however, make a point to be more easygoing as you live your life. Baby steps. The first step is being aware of your lack of easygoingness and you just took the second step by reading this blog post! Woo-hoo! Might as well be on a roll — check out 10 Ways You’re Sabotaging Yourself & How to Stop.

How will you try to be more easygoing? Any tips?