10 Ways You’re Sabotaging Yourself & How to Stop

As always, a new year brings in a ton of self-reflection and resolutions, which inspired me to write this post. I was thinking about a lot of things I hope to change in the new year (which is a load of crap because you can just change whenever a new year is not necessary) and I thought, why not make it into a post? A lot of the things I’d like to improve on turned out to be things that are, in a way, sabotaging myself and my own happiness.

So, once again, here I am giving advice that I should also be taking. I need to stop giving good advice that I won’t take…definitely counting that as an unofficial number eleven on this list. Hopefully, if these are also ways you’re sabotaging yourself, you’ll make these changes with me.

1. Taking things too personally

I’m the queen of this, or maybe the duchess because duchess is a little bit less extreme. When someone doesn’t text me back right away, I automatically assume the other person is dead or hates me or both. I do this instead of rationally acknowledging that people aren’t always on their phones, contrary to the belief of most baby boomers.

Bluntly, taking things too personally can be a bit narcissistic. Thinking you cause everything or things are caused to target you specifically is almost a way of thinking all things and people revolve around you. Did that make sense or am I getting fake deep? Anyway.

Fix it: Acknowledge that the world does not revolve around you and not everyone and everything is out to get you. Haven’t you ever accidentally hurt someone? Whenever you feel yourself getting into a funk of taking something personally or blaming yourself, remember that other people are living their lives like you are and there are so many other factors contributing to every bad mood, weird text, and misspoken word.

2. Not being more mindful of how you’re spending your time

I pride myself in having great time management skills but in reality, I just finish tasks quickly and do random, meaningless things with all of the extra time I created for myself by being efficient. This is a shitty use of time and ought to be stopped.

Just think of all of the times you’ve woken up at 10 AM and haven’t gotten out of bed until 11:30. Think of the time you’ve spent scrolling through Instagram while waiting for your friend to meet you for coffee. Think of all of the books you could’ve read and tasks you could have accomplished in all of that time!

Fix it: Try the Pomodoro method when completing tasks. It involves timing yourself and allocating certain amounts of time to tasks. Don’t plan every second of your day, but do have some control over your more lax ways of spending downtime. For example, if you want to relax by watching YouTube videos but know you have homework, try limiting yourself to only two videos before working instead of endlessly running through your “Watch Later” playlist.

3. Ignoring your failures

It’s perfectly fine to react to failures however you’d like whether it be by working harder, laughing it off or trying again, but you still should acknowledge them. When you ignore the times you failed, you’re not allowing yourself to make progress or move forward. Failure is embarrassing and it sucks, but it’s inevitable and by ignoring it or shifting the blame you’re worsening the failure.

Fix it: When you have failures, acknowledge them AND your successes. Don’t dwell on them, but acknowledge them. Learn from failures as much as possible and figure out how you’ll react and why. In fact, one great way of owning up to failures is through sharing them. Sometimes failures make great stories, whether it be an inspiring story of eventual triumph or a hilarious shit show.

4. Letting FOMO take over (even if you don’t quite realize it)

When and why do you look at Snapchat? Think about it. You look at it when you’re bored because you want to see what other people are doing. This is a surefire way to make yourself feel like you’re missing out on fun. It’s a one-way ticket to either *cough* #1 taking things personally and/or #2 feeling like crap.

Fix it: Delete Snapchat and other FOMO-inducing apps. Ha! I mean, do this if you have strong enough willpower. I don’t, so my other suggestion is to more consciously be aware that what is on social media is often a highlight reel. I also suggest doing something else with your downtime. Instead of checking social media, read a book or watch Netflix. This goes back to #2 on the list, being more mindful of how you spend downtime!

5. Allowing what makes you uncomfortable or afraid control you

Sometimes you have to just say “F*** it!” and do it. How often do we not talk the cute guy or attend the club meeting just because we’re worried about something bad happening? Why do we fail to consider how much good could come out of things? If the potential good outcomes are greater than the potential bad outcomes, why not just do it? This is often my reasoning behind a lot of risks I take, though I don’t take them nearly enough.

Fix it: Pinpoint why you’re afraid or uncomfortable and map out the possible bad outcomes. Are they really that bad? Think about the possible good outcomes. Are they worth taking a risk? Sometimes you have to punch your worries in the face and just DO IT…Unless it’s illegal in which case you should probably not.

6. Not making changes even when you know you should

This is the story of my life when it comes to little things. I know I should stop ripping off my cuticles and I know I should stop eating snacks instead of meals, but I don’t. It’s not always easy to make changes, but when you’re not even trying it’s plain old laziness. I hate when people complain about their problems and don’t actively try to do anything about them when they have the ability to do so.

Fix it: Hold yourself accountable whether it be by telling a friend about your goals or by writing about it. For example, I’ve started tracking when I eat snacks in order to hold myself accountable and move towards changing my bad habit!

7. Letting the success of other’s minimize your own

There’s some super nice Pinterest-worthy quote about this somewhere but I can’t find it so let me conjure one up for you. It’s something along the lines of “The success of others does not minimize your own success.” Basically, just because someone else does something awesome, it doesn’t mean you’re not doing something awesome or won’t do something awesome.

Fix it: Try to be happy for others. If that fails (it’s hard) remind yourself of your own accomplishments and goals. Work harder to achieve your goals and reflect on your own successes instead of bathing in envy.

Say “I’m happy for you! I’m trying to achieve something similar, do you have any advice?” instead of “Wow! I’m jealous. How the hell did you do that?” Nothing is worse than those people who say they’re jealous instead of at least pretending to be happy. We all know the phrase fake it ’till you make it. Oftentimes it works.

8. Being quiet when you should speak up

I love to talk but there’s something about talking to adults, even though I’m a goddamn adult, that sometimes makes me a bit quiet. I’m totally working on this but I still remember one day at my first internship when I was a wee freshman and I totally messed up…

Myself, four other interns and the CEOs of the company were walking through Times Square. Yeah, Times Square. This already sounds like a nightmare. We were looking for the restaurant where the work party was being held. The bosses were leading us and we were all following when I noticed we’d passed the restaurant. Not wanting to seem rude (in hindsight it wasn’t rude AT ALL) by correcting their directions, I whispered to the other interns that we passed the place.

Another intern told one of the bosses, “Hey! Paige said we passed the place a block ago!” and then he politely told me I should have said something. Why didn’t I? I thought I was being rude for some reason even though I would’ve been helpful.

Fix it: Just speak up when you feel the need. Don’t be obnoxious and do be respectful. Keep in mind that the company you keep likely wants and values your input. Do tread lightly when it comes to speaking to your bosses and, unlike me, remember to use common sense.

9. Setting unrealistic expectations

I’m not telling you to stoop below what you deserve or lower your dreams, but I am telling you to be realistic. Don’t get me wrong–optimism is great, but you need a bit of realism in the mix. The best things won’t always be the things that happen.

When it comes to love, everything isn’t roses and kittens shitting glitter. When it comes to life, sometimes it sucks. We all know this. Sometimes life is awesome, too, but don’t expect it to be awesome all of the time.

Fix it: Take chances. Accept imperfect situations. Try to find the bright side. Blah blah, you know the inspiring quotes. Truthfully? Just realize that not everything will and can be perfect because perfection is an illusion. Okay, moving on.

10. Having a million tabs open at once

This also goes for mentally and symbolically having a million tabs open. How can you possibly focus on one thing when you’re attempting to multitask or keep a dozen things in the front of your mind?

As I write this very post, I have fifteen tabs open. It’s so distracting and I obsessively open tabs and keep them open for fear of forgetting about the things in them. This barely makes sense, so I intend on making a secret Pinterest board with websites or articles I want to remember to read so I don’t open as many tabs.

Fix It: When online choose one task, whether it be writing a paper or watching YouTube, and focus on it. Close tabs that have nothing to do with it. Similarly, if you’re reading a book or watching TV, turn off everything else and focus on that one task. By simplifying what’s going on, you can focus more.

More helpful articles…

12 Ways to Be Less of An Asshole

10 Good Habits to Start

13 Things to Stop Doing This Year

What are some ways you’re sabotaging yourself & how will you stop?